I recently had an occasion to sit with a beautiful young lady who was about to graduate with a first class honours from the university. She had no problem about getting a job after graduation because she was already working whilst schooling.
She asked me whether it was advisable for her to marry her boyfriend within a month after graduation because the gentleman will leave the country 3 weeks after her graduation. I decided to answer her with a very simple question, ‘Are you ready for marriage?’.
She said yes because she has a good job, she will be a graduate then, she knows her boyfriend very well because she has been with him for 4 years now, and besides, her boyfriend is also ready to marry her before he leaves. I further asked her, ‘Has your boyfriend eaten your food before? I mean, do you know how to cook very well?’ And she reluctantly answered, ‘He has not eaten my food before because I don’t like cooking. My guy does not even like eaten much. Mama, but he knows I am not marrying him because of cooking. We can always get a house help or buy food as we do all the time.’ Immediately, I said to her that ‘You are not ready to marry’.
You may wonder why I think she is not ready for marriage just because of mere cooking. Yes, she is not ready for so many reasons from her answer but let me give you two. First of all, she does not understand the relationship between a married man and good homemade food. Secondly, she does not understand the difference between a wife and a roommate. At the back of her mind, she has a misconception and wrong marital expectations. She as a woman is not ready for marriage yet.
In our part of the world, remaining single or unmarried is a more difficult decision to make than the decision to marry. In most traditional settings, the growth and development of every girl is a preparatory state for her to get a good man to marry her and bare children in future. For men, they are accomplished and successful men not just because they could go to war and have great businesses, but a man is a man when he marries and bare children. So marriage in itself was not complete when the primary essence of childbirth is not evident.
As the French say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. Marriage is still seen as the crown jewel of every woman, whether capable or not. But I see marriage beyond a man and a woman coming together and reproducing babies. Marriage is like any other workable social or corporate institution which demands certain elements to survive and become productive like better marriage conditions, marriage satisfaction, motivation and love which may be considered as the ultimate. This is because, good marriage which is one of the most important commitments that an individual may make in his or her lifetime, must not only produce a satisfied life but it must also generate a sense of total well-being.
Willingness or readiness to marry also goes beyond getting a good partner and going through the marriage ceremony. It fundamentally depends upon values like honesty, fairness, respect, trust, discipline and responsibility. And every member of our society has the obligation to support practices that promote marital integrity, prevent marital dishonesty, and even encourage separation, annulment or divorce when need be.
Though, certain closely related persons may not be allowed to marry in most cultures in Ghana due to health reasons, it is very important for partners getting ready to marry undergo medical exams to prove that you are both free from communicable diseases, particularly venereal diseases like HIV, Hepatitis, HPV and other STD’s. In some cases, blood test must be performed to know your blood type and Sickle Cell status.
My dear, are you sure you are ready for marriage? Think about it. Medaase
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