A lot of people are on my case for not publicly giving my views in this issue. First of all, I’m not obligated to always have an opinion about everything, and even if I do, I’m still under no obligation to share it.
In this case especially where it’s extremely sensitive, I have to proceed with caution.
I never write unless I’m absolutely sure of what I want to say. Contrary to what people may say, I don’t have the “I need to comment on every issue to stay relevant” syndrome.
I empathize with the victim if it’s true, and understand what she may be doing through, trust me I do. And I know many other women have and continue to suffer in silence. It is a very frightening road that many have had to walk alone due to the shame and public persecution that often comes out of speaking out.
To the alleged offender, I equally sympathize, because there’s nothing worse than a false accusation. I have also been there, where you’re judged before you’re given the chance to say your side. The damage some of these allegations can do is irreparable.
Either way someone’s life will be ruined forever because of this.
So I don’t want to talk about the “alleged” victim or the “alleged” offender in question. I’ll let the police and investigators do their job. Because to be fair, regardless of what anyone may say we weren’t there and no matter how much we may hate or love any of the people involved in this case only the two backed by concrete evidence can actually tell us the truth.
I’d rather talk about something else in relation to this.
Let’s talk about our attitude towards the whole idea of “rape”. How we react to the victim, the offender and the events leading up to the “act”.
Rape is a very difficult subject which can start a long debate. It isn’t about how the victims looks, his/her willingness to be in the presence of her attacker, his/her background, his/her lifestyle or his/her past. It’s basically boils down to consent. And even in that a victim can say yes, and has the right to change his/her mind. If by making that known to the person, he/she proceeds to force himself/herself on the other party, it’s RAPE.
Now I understand how confusing this maybe, trust me, even for the victims themselves they often question if they have been raped or not due to some of these factors.
A lot of their attackers, in most cases genuinely believe it was consensual, because the big question often put out there is” why were you in his/her presence “?( Watch for Coloured Girls)
Especially in a society where no, always means a maybe , or a slow yes, or a I really want to do this but I don’t want you to think I’m a slut so I’ll say no, but hope you’ll push further until I have no choice but to agree, yes.
The statements from some of you, especially the “educated” “know it all” “social media activists” and” I have the need to be heard” people is not only frightening but sad. You would think we would be more objective and less sentimental.
I’ve always argued that if you get in trouble in the country, your sentence basically boils down to whether people like you or not.
If you’re liked, your actions will be justified.
If you’re not liked, let’s just say you will be sentenced to public court, tried, convicted and completely humiliated to the point that prison will seem like a luxury.
So lesson here… Make sure you’re liked at all cost.
You better like me
Credit: Lydia Forson/Facebook